Weirdness & Sex
June 29, 2003
Vineyard Christian Fellowship, Costa Mesa. Today’s subject: “Everybody Does It” Sexual Morals in America… Oh great, talk about stepping headlong into the buzz-saw. Well, this is where I’ve come to see miracles.
Here we go… Damn, I’m just another stat (pastor rattling on about the state of marriage and promiscuity in America and the church). Ack. Even though the first reaction can be misinterpreted that everything about the body is “bad,” but it’s not it. The question then isn’t about sex or sexuality but what is understood as sexual “wrongdoing.” Pastor says that human beings can’t handle sex outside marriage, it binds us together and then tears us apart when we’re not or can’t be together. I don’t think it’s just sex but the experience rings true to me. Okay, I’m a walking example of how much it hurts when one does have sex but doesn’t have the relationship that’s supposed to go with it. The next more important question is whether I’m supposed to “give up” on this love because it is outside of marriage.
Technorati Tags: faith, faith&doubt, god&sex
Back Full Circle in Mission Viejo & an Empty Chair
June 15, 2003
Calvary Chapel Mission Viejo… Stepping out of my car this morning was like stepping into the past. The smell of the flowers, the grey overcast sky that I knew hid a beautiful sun, 25-years ago I couldn’t imagine that I would come back to where it all began, back to my spiritual ancestral home. My first thoughts were how fun it would be to surprise Jim Davis with a call.
During the service the house lights were lowered and songs were sung about our desire to love God with open hearts. I suddenly became aware of the open seat to my left and thought of how my love should be sitting there with me now. I wanted to reach my hand over and find hers there waiting. But it wasn’t there. Then I thought of how all of my emotions of love and yearning to “know God” were, in fact, expressions of my soul for her. It would seem that I cannot think about my desire to know God without at the same time yearning to share that experience with my lover. And the more I sang the deeper the yearning for my love grew. Then in the darkness of that room, while I was surrounded by voices rejoicing in God’s love, the frustration of that empty seat brought tears to my eyes and my song became a plea and an apology that I am unable to separate the loves in my life to be able to enjoy one without mourning the absence of the other. I do not how I am going to survive with that empty chair in my heart.
