Late Christmas with a Little Angel

I had a belated Christmas visit with my son and grand-daughter. When I got there at first little Elena had just fallen asleep for her afternoon nap. Damn. So we visited for a bit and did our gift exchange (I was the courier for my siblings getting gifts to Michael, Tina and baby Elena). Well, we could only hold out for so long and eventually wandered over to the baby’s room and… surprise… she was just waking up from her nap. Michael expertly did diaper-duty, then we started playing with the baby. She looked at him funny at first because he was wearing a cap and definitely didn’t know who I was. The trick was when I took her into the living room and parked her in front of a mirrored wall. She has the greatest smile and that alone made my whole holiday season. Thanks Elena. JBB

Technorati Tags: family, holidays

More Monitors, Part II - Comfort Behaviors, Part II

Following the Christmas crush I decided to rearrange my apartment and install two new 19″ LCD monitors. I’d been wanting to rearrange things for some time but knew that I’d need a large chunk of time because of how long it would take to rewire the computer equipment, TV and stereo equipment. I couldn’t just pull wires and expect things to work. I had to wait until the Pepperdine term was over (oh boy, was it over now!) and then I needed to make sure that all my Christmas responsibilities were taken care of before disassembling everything. Of course, it was only fitting with my life in less than a stellar condition that I engage in this comfort behavior, rearranging the furniture and finding some new way to set things up so that it works better for me. The theory is pretty simple: I can’t control the world beyond these four walls (and too often have found myself completely at the mercy of others’ agendas), but in my apartment I’m free to make whatever design changes that I desire. Getting the two LCDs was also a “feel good” gesture to get over the various set-backs and disappointments over the past quarter. Anyway, I’ll post pictures of the rest of the apartment later, but wanted to highlight the place where I find myself spending most of my time. JBB

Empty Xmas to Me

It’s not the same. It hasn’t been the same since before Thanksgiving. My nieces were there to give me hugs and kisses and lots of attention. A friend of my sister brought her seven-month old and the little one was a wonderful reminder of what the day was supposed to be about. But something was missing. It’s like everything has lost its flavor and no matter how much I work at recognizing or acknowledging how lucky I am to have my family around me, it was all flat to me.

Because dinner was a bit delayed on Christmas Eve, the folks decided to pass out and open the gifts before dinner. I protested because the sun wasn’t even down, but decided against making too much of a deal about it be cause I was somewhat uncomfortable making any demand that we abide by tradition (tradition isn’t my strong suit). Alas, gift opening and dinner only lasted until 7:30. I wish I could have enjoyed the time with my family more but I had this gnawing emptiness that I was trying really hard to ignore. I decided to go home around 8:30 so as not to spoil anyone else’s holiday with my ill spirit. I watched some TV then fell asleep long before midnight. I told myself that I needed to get up early for church in the morning.

Technorati Tags: family, puppy

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Not the “Season’s Greetings” One Would Hope For

So… Having made my decision, I spoke on the phone with the program director and after an eight-minute conversation set the new plan in motion. I then sent the following email to my Pepperdine cadre-mates:

I’m not sure what it is about the Holidays that tends to make them into pivotal decision making times, but such seems to have been the case for me, certainly this year. I know that the season is supposed to be about reflecting on one’s good fortune over the past year and celebrating said blessings with family and friends. Then again, sometimes the season is more about making the future happen and setting that future in motion. I think that’s been more in keeping with my experience of the season this year.

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Should I Stay or Should I Go?

As the following email will try to explain, it’s become that decision-making time of year and this one is a big one….

Friends and family,

For the millionth time this term I’m on my back again, this time with some kind of flu (body aches, headache, slight congestion at the back of the throat, etc.)… This has got to be the third or fourth time this term. I generally average two sick-outs a year. I think someone is trying to get my attention.

Anyway, as you may know, this past Fall I’ve taken on a new job teaching tech to middle school students. Would that that were the extent of the job, but, in their wisdom, the Powers that Be, have also chosen to give me one single pre-algebra class. Again, no big deal until one realizes that they’d given me a noisy group of low-performing 8th graders. Great. Consequently, this one class has completely dominated all of my planning time and energy so much so that here it is December and I still don’t have a handle on working with them. In fact, per my last meeting with my principal, if I don’t turn this situation around I’m running a risk of getting an “Unsatisfactory” evaluation from him. Great. Just what I need. I’m failing even though I’ve been dedicating so much time to this problem that I’m also at risk with my degree program at Pepperdine.

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90 Days Later

Some things take a long time to learn. These are pattern that are most deeply imprinted on us and seem to have a bearing on every aspect of ones life. So, it can take a long time to react when these things just don’t work out. Some times it takes a long time for reality to unfold. So, ninety days ago she said that I was worth fighting for and that she wasn’t going to let me go without a fight. What can I say, she was right.

So, I knew that things wouldn’t change overnight, but I felt like if I could get two requirements met than I’d have some basis for holding on to hope. The first requirement was that she come clean with her counselor and tell her that she and I were still seeing one another. The other was that as she developed relationships with her friends, that she would find a way to share with them also about us. I must have said something also about communicating more because she started calling in the morning when I was on my way into work, and not just on her commute home. It was nice. It almost felt a bit like the “old days” when we were always in communication.

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Holidays R Here

“Men plan,
children change the plans,
and God laughs”

The holidays are definitely here. Well, at least that’s what the commercials are telling me. All I know is that I had a great time visiting with my grandbaby, Elena, during a Thanksgiving visit and I’m looking forward to my next visit with her over the Christmas break. Beyond that I have two weeks to finish everything for the current Pepperdine term. Ack. I’m also trying to make time getting my lab set up and trying to find ways to make the tech work for me (instead of making me work for it!). Ack (again), I just noticed that I hadn’t made a single journal entry on my ed tech BLOG, JBB’s Desktop. Oh well, one more thing to work on… Check out my links and drop a comment. Oh yeah, and have a merry Christmas. JBB Dec. 2005

Technorati Tags: family, holidays, pepperdine, teaching, techtoys, work