The Danger of Getting What You Ask For

End of October, weather’s changing (kind’a), setting the clocks back this weekend and I’m spending another Friday night solo. Well, that’s not exactly what i was wishing for and that tends to highlight the contrast between where I want to be and where I seem to still be. Sorry, that’s too dark. I had a really great weekend with You-know-who but we still seem to have some trouble translating that “goodness” into the rest of our week. It’s difficult to understand how so much bliss on Sunday can turn into frustrated anxiety by Wednesday. Funny thing was that I was feeling so good Tuesday morning that I became a little anxious about feeling so good. Yikes, talk about destructive bad habits. JBB

Being Single Addendum: “Exclusivity” Explained

When I reread my bit about “serious relationships” and “exclusivity” I realized that this is where the problems of isolation might come from. Thus, anyone having recently survived a divorce would definitely want to stay away from the “serious relationship” as long as humanly possible. I mean, that’s the domain of small minded control freaks. I can certainly understand what might lead one to feel that way. But I’m talking about something all together different.

In a constructive love relationship (an “I love you” relationship) it’s natural to want to spend all of ones time with one another. It’s natural for there to be a special “only the two of us” sense of being. And one would hope that this sense of specialness would be something that both participants believe in and share with one another equally. That’s what I mean by “exclusivity,” it’s the specialness of having and wanting to have that special someone in ones life. This is a very different thing than feeling like one can no longer have “outside friends,” especially friends of the opposite sex. That’s not exclusivity, that’s isolationism and mind-control. Unfortunately it’s easy for some couples to fall into the latter pattern and assume that it’s something that they have to do to insure the continuance of that beginning sense of specialness. But they’re wrong.

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The Nomenclature of Being Single

I have a “friend” who has recently joined the ranks of the newly single status and as service to this friend I would like to pass on a few pointers on proper terms and nomenclature about Being Single. There are few things as confusing as describing one’s “status” after years or decades of checking the box marked “married” on governmental forms.
Casual Dating:
“Hey, what’cha doing tonight? Wanna go to a movie? Cool.” That’s casual dating, no plans beyond that day, no commitment to anything except the stated movie, beer, whatever. Regardless of the “casualness” of the date, don’t be mistaken, there’s an interest or attraction between the participants, that’s why it’s a “date” (if there is not actual “attraction” see “Just Friends” below).

Casual Dating No-Nos:
Never use the “L” word (alas, in this context the “L” word is not “Lesbian” but “Love”). Telling one’s “casual date” “I love you” automatically disqualifies it’s “casual date” status. Affection and sex are negotiable, but be forewarned that in this era of AIDs, physical intimacy tends to complicate things and should be avoided if one wishes to maintain one’s “casual dating” status. As with the kissing or sex, accepting gifts in the context of “casual dating” tends to complicate things and may imply a greater commitment than one had intended. Another casual dating no-no is calling or expecting “daily” calls. Remember, there’s no commitment to anything here.

Serious Dating/Boyfriend/Girlfriend Relationships:
Serious dating covers a broad spectrum of relationships. Exclusivity is the core difference between casual dating and serious dating. Using the “L” word is generally expected, as is some form of physical/sexual intimacy. Some level of continuous communication (calling, seeing one another, IMing) tends to be expected. Serious dating is NOT necessarily the same as engagement. See “engagement” below.

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Saying Adios To a Stranger Who Was Like a Friend…

Two years ago I was introduced to something called Podcasting by my doctorate buddies from Pepperdine. I was one of those guys, because of my love and my work in technology, always had Tech-TV playing in the background, keeping me up-to-date on whatever was happening in the tech world. Alas, when Tech-TV disappeared podcasting stepped up to fill the gap. I noticed early on that, because of the amateur nature of most of these audio and video shows, there was a tendency for them to be much more personable and personal than traditional media. for good or bad, there seemed to be a greater sense of “knowing” the person on the other side of the microphone. Or as podcaster-extrodinaire, Leo Laporte, put it, podcasting is much more of a conversation than what happens in traditional radio or TV.

So, while getting in a few minutes of the “MacOS Ken” podcast as I began my day, I was shocked to hear that one of the nicest guys whom I’ve been listening to for the past two-years suddenly died this past week. As I’ve listened to podcasts I’ve found that many of these guys are as abrasive and irritating in their know-it-all-ness as many AM radio talk show hosts. That’s all the more reason why 47-year-old William Douthett, aka “Digital Bill” from “The Wizards of Technology” podcast will be so very much missed. Some times the audio quality really sucked but the info was always spot-on and entertaining. He was a genuine self-affacing guy, who loved his tech and more than that, loved sharing and helping others get the damn things to do what they were supposed to be able to do. The Wizard’s used to use the theme: “we’re geeks so that you don’t have to be.”

When I searched around the net to find additional information on what had happened or just whether others were posting on his passing, I stopped short when I read that he was my age. That really brought home the notion about how important it is to pursue ones dreams and to live with meaningful intention. Digital Bill certain seemed to do that. I never had the pleasure to meet the man in person, and only saw a couple of pictures of him (notably from the TWIT podcast at last year’s Podcast Expo) but I will certainly miss his humor and spirit. JBB

Planned Failure

061005-0810 I feel like a disgruntled boy. I’m sitting in an early morning staff meeting listening to stats about failing student achievement. I’m not in the mood for this. Small group discussion about our part in the equation, but we are instructed to throw out the “family history,” “societal problem” part of the problem, as far as looking for solutions. Right. And in a few years we’re mandated to have 100% of the school population reading at graded level, every student in every school. Human populations do not do 100% anything (except that we all eventually die….).

And what every administrator and teacher knows is that this stupidity will persist until the “A-list” schools fail to meet their goals. Then someone “brilliant” will figure out that there is something flawed with the plan. A darker interpretation is that this “planned failure” is meant to dislodge the typically “left-leaning” teacher power-block and hand public education over to enterpreneurial private sector old-school education run like “business.” Until that, of course, fails. In the meantime we wasted billions of dollars and treated a whole population of highly trained professionals like idiots because we can get blood from a turnip. Our society is or has already fallen apart and it seems to be riding on the backs of educators to make it look all pretty, at least until the end. God knows parents are overwhelmed and the politicans have now idea what the hell they are talking about. All I can say is thank God I don’t teach math, english or science. This is all one giant joke. JBB