LMU B.A.Religious Studies – EN110: Language & Style – Essay #2 – Fall 1976

Notes and essays from my first college English course, much here is cringe-worthy. At the same time, I find it interesting where my mind would wander to when I was given deadlines. After getting positive responses from my professor, this was my first experience writing for an audience (of one). Enjoy (2023-11-16)

How to be a Hermit

by Joe Bustillos

EN110 B – Essay #2
September 29, 1976

Thesis Statement: The ease it takes to become a social hermit is beyond mere words.

Queen Choladevi Before the Hermit-Sage by The Metropolitan Museum of Art is licensed under CC-CC0 1.0

The ease with which it takes to become a social hermit is beyond mere words. Using the most simple methods and techniques, one can rise from a mere campus socialite to an obscure IBM number. The joy one can receive in going through a crowd unnoticed, or in being the first student in the school’s history to go un invited to his or her own graduation is insurmountable, If one seeks to go about unrecognized after a long life of stardom and of the silver/screen, or just wants to improve his or her ability to go about unnoticed, these two simple steps can be of great help.

The most important ingredient in becoming a social hermit is the desire: the desire to be left alone. This desire is the catalyst, the energy force, that will send one far down the road of obscurity. It is therefore essential that this feeling be in the individual.. Once one has assaulted this peak the other step is a mere valley.

Step number two may be completed in one of two ways. The easiest of the two is for the individual to join a “cause” that is socially unacceptable, Imagine the results one would get if his friends suddenly found out that he has become a vegetarian, or a “Right-to-Life” member, or worst yet a “Jesus Freak.” Imagine, no more hassles from one’s buddies for a smoke, or a beer, or any of the other social obligations one is often called upon to perform. What joy! What ecstasy! What tranquility!

If one is using the method mentioned above, his results can be increased by doing the following: first, let friends and former friends know why one has chosen this lifestyle; second, try and persuade those friends to make a similar decision. If one uses these principles he will send people running at his very presence, interruptions while studying and visiting others into the early hours of the morning will become a thing of the past. (Caution: while it has been noted that the above mentioned method is highly successful in causing obscurity, it must be added that a strange phenomenon often between hermits of similar philosophies. They develop the habit of calling
one another “brother” or “sister” or “fellow witness.” They actually converse with one another; Such hermits should be avoided at all cost).

The second way of completing step niunber two (for step number 2-a refer to paragraph number 3) is much more involved but promises interesting results. This method entails the development of one’s lack of memory, that is to develop a lack of memory. This method is most useful in dialogue. Below is an example of such a dialogue. The two men are old high school buddies that have not seen one another for some time (the latter speaker is working toward being a professional hermit).

“Tom; How are you doing?;”

“Ah…?”

“Tom, don’t you remember me?” “Ah…?”

“I’m Bob, don’t you remember? We went out for track together.”

“Ah…oh yeah! Bob, how*s the old long-jumper?”

“Ah…Tom, we were shot-putters,”

“Ah…oh yeah! Well then, how’s the wife?”

“Tom, I was ordained a priest ten years- ago.”

“Oh. I was going to ask if you were goin’ to a costume party or somethin’.”

“Say, I’ve got to be going. We’ll see ya later.”

“OK, so long Pete!”

“Pete?”