How Did I Get Here?

“Hey Skitch, how did we get here?”
“I lead you here, sir, for I am Sparticus.”
Leo to Shades in “That Thing You Do”

I’m trying to wrap my head around my fortunate circumstances. Yesterday after uploading my lesson plans and agendas for the week I stepped out for brunch but ended up spending a mindless day at Taco Beach. A perfect opportunity to get paperwork done, grade student work or at least catch up on the blog was squandered because I couldn’t concentrate on anything. It would have been a perfect afternoon to “get distracted” with a special someone, but I had to make do with interesting conversations with acquaintances at Taco Beach. It always seems to come back to that.

So I’m heading off to Florida and a completely unknown life. I’ve been thinking about this for months and have talked with family and friends for several weeks. Those who’ve known my story most closely tend to follow their congratulations with questions about what this means to “the relationship.” I’m not so sure that they believe me when I quote Michael Scott saying, “It’s all goooooood.” Truth be told, very much like when I was done with my teacher training an opportunity opened up so that I could leave the phone company with six months pay, so both the job here and the relationship are either stalled out or not going where I want to go, so Florida seems like the right thing at the right time. Funny that at almost 50, I’m getting, yet again, another new start.

Where we’ve been can’t be separated from what we will become, but I find it amazing how everyone is set off in different directions by such small and big things that happen to us. I’m moving from all that I’ve known and loved to a place where I know only one person, who will become my boss, knowing full well that the thing that didn’t work out for me here was my inability to make my intimate connection with Juls workable for both of us in all the other parts of our lives. I’m not supposed to be alone, but I’m going to have to risk becoming more alone in order to take all I’ve learned to the next level. So it seemed a little odd that I’d meet someone on my last afternoon in Long Beach before heading out to Florida who completely seems to believe only in number one and the importance in having no attachments.

I met Matt, a commodities broker in his early 40s, who works out of his apartment, and went independent this past year after almost a decade with one of the big brokerage houses in LA. Relatively quiet chap, like a character in a Billy Joel song, he’s holding off on marriage until he makes his next fortune, even though he feels like it’s probably too late for kids. He did well and then lost it when the market changed. He’s been on his own since he was eighteen, went off to college and then the folks sold the family home. For him, he seems to want the same connection that I want, but he believes that not having any complicating connections is the best policy. It would seem that I have lived that lifestyle for a very very long time, such that I can consider moving across the continent with no one to tell me no. But deep inside I know that I have to have community as well as special intimacy. Maybe I’ll find that in Orlando. Hell, who knows. After being a fly on the wall at Taco Beach for years, I got them to turn up the volume on the TV and it really felt like TV-night with a bunch of friends. Chances are I’ll be able to do that again with my new friends in Florida. jbb

Twitters Leading To the Trip to Full Sail:

@girlgeek77 I’d have a big damn grin if I weren’t so yearbook/journalism/computer lab pressured… can hardly wait, but ton 2 do btwn n&t # 2008-02-19
twitbin is broke, won’t recognize my login. Damn. Not a good way to start the weekend. It’s currently 75 in Orlando. 2 days b4 fullsail trip # 2008-02-23
Agenda for the week uploaded, projects uploaded, sub lesson plans created. trying to upload sub plans but getting no love, ack. # 2008-02-24
all the school/work stuff uploaded, time 4 late omlette brunch @ LB Cafe, alas, place was packed 2 the streets, plan B: taco beach. Damn # 2008-02-24