Calvary Chapel Mission Viejo… Stepping out of my car this morning was like stepping into the past. The smell of the flowers, the grey overcast sky that I knew hid a beautiful sun, 25-years ago I couldn’t imagine that I would come back to where it all began, back to my spiritual ancestral home. My first thoughts were how fun it would be to surprise Jim Davis with a call.

During the service the house lights were lowered and songs were sung about our desire to love God with open hearts. I suddenly became aware of the open seat to my left and thought of how my love should be sitting there with me now. I wanted to reach my hand over and find hers there waiting. But it wasn’t there. Then I thought of how all of my emotions of love and yearning to “know God” were, in fact, expressions of my soul for her. It would seem that I cannot think about my desire to know God without at the same time yearning to share that experience with my lover. And the more I sang the deeper the yearning for my love grew. Then in the darkness of that room, while I was surrounded by voices rejoicing in God’s love, the frustration of that empty seat brought tears to my eyes and my song became a plea and an apology that I am unable to separate the loves in my life to be able to enjoy one without mourning the absence of the other. I do not how I am going to survive with that empty chair in my heart.

12:06
I wrote a short note to Jim Davis while waiting for Matt to get ready for our trip to San Diego for Fathers’ Day festivities:

Jim,

Greetings. My first question, which will answer itself, is whether this is still a good email address to contact you. The second is wonder how you and your family are doing. I’m hanging out at my brother Matt’s place in Mission Viejo (the last of us remaining in the old hometown) before heading down to San Diego to celebrate Father’s Day with the rest of the clan. We have much to catch up on, you and I. I’m thinking of venturing a call this evening… It’s been an amazing two years since we last spoke. I think I’ll leave the mystery at that. Talk to you soon, your friend, Joe (Bustillos…. in case your memory needs a jog or two).

I thought it better to just say “hello” without going into all of the things going through my mind. It was enough to see again how I’m coming full-circle in my life. I don’t know that it’s something that I can or would want to explain to Jim, but he was there in the beginning for me. And I’m sure that he’d welcome the fact that I going to church again. The “reasons” or factors leading to this “change” might be hard to explain (especially given that I have no idea how, when, if this story will ever find a resolution). But it was nice to reconnect with those days as kids in Mission Viejo when everything was new and every day brought a new adventure. JBB