Ugh. After church I wasn’t feeling so great. Here’s some of my notes that I wrote after the service:

Character Counts: A Study in the Life of Joseph: “Fatal Attractions” Gen. 39

“the Lord was with him…”
Potiphar’s wife wants him, commands him to “sleep” with her.
He has no “rights” damned if you do/damned if you don’t….
* Against his master’s trust
* Against his own personal treatment of his own body
* Against his relationship with the Lord.
* Joseph chooses “right” but loses everything (again!)
… Bonding aspect of sex

Difficult message today, part of me wonders now whether my hope of being with her in the future is vacant and selfish. John’s admonition to the married to “renew” makes me question everything. I’m angry because I’m trying to do what I can do and yet I feel like even this hope that I’ve turned to is false and I should instead see more fully that it’s God’s will to heal that marriage than to allow me to be a part of her life. That isn’t a particularly encouraging thought to me. I have chosen to cast off the old fantasy (though quite imperfectly) and would like to step into a better future, but I find that I’m still sinning because I want that future with her and for me to want her to divorce her husband, regardless of their current relationship, is deemed wrong and ultimately more damaging to her and her family and even me.

So was the whole point of this to bring me to this point of awakening my spiritual thirst and let her know that things can be better than her former marital status quo? I’m not too happy with being Moses left outside the promised land (again)! JBB

music: Head Over Feet – Alanis Morissette – Jagged Little Pill