Last week I featured the work of stand-up former-Christian comic Taylor Tomlinson, and that got me to thinking about my own journey as a Christian musician and all the others who started as a Christian artists but then found the label problematic. In her conversation with Conan, Tomlinson said that, even though she was making pretty good money doing the Christian comedy circuit (who knew?), she had to tell her people not to book her any more church gigs. She didn’t want to misrepresent herself because it just wasn’t who she was anymore. My “career” as a Christian musician never got far enough for me to have to decide between making the great Christian cash or being truthful about the problems I was having with my faith. Darn.

One artist who came to mind when thinking about the Christian label problem was a singer/songwriter I once booked for a church concert at Covenant Presbyterian Church in Orange CA in the early 1980s named Leslie Phillips. I don’t remember where I’d heard of her, probably on some Calvary Chapel related thing, but she was in the process of recording her first album and had a great quirky style. The concert was fun, I got to say something to the attending audience, I don’t remember what I said and it being a Presbyterian thing, there was no huge altar-call or such religious theatrics. But I think a lovely night was had by all. Alas, this was well before I was in the habit of photographing or recording everything (which is probably a blessing). So, we’re left with my less-than-reliable memories (but I will look through my archives to see if any audio or photo recordings were made…).

Fast forward a few years, my marriage has gone to hell, I quit my master’s in Theology degree program at Fuller Seminary because I can’t figure out how any of this was going to be anything other than a ridiculously expensive hobby. And my faith was completely in the toilet. Listening to music during my long nights working at the phone company was my only rescue. But the only music that I could stomach from my Christian past was Ms. Phillips, now using the name Sam Phillips (but worry not, young believers, it was her nickname from before and not some gender-related thing!). I found that her music and Mark Heard’s music went well past the trite “we just need to believe in Jesus more!” stuff and communicated a deeper humanity that even in my waning faith I could identify with. Turns out the world isn’t black and white and the fact that isn’t all messed up isn’t all on you, little buddy.

I Need Love by Sam Phillips/Leslie Phillips

I left my conscience like a crying child
Locked the door behind me
Put the pain on file
Broken like a window
I see my blindness now

I need love
Not some sentimental prison
I need God
Not the political church
I need fire
To melt the frozen sea inside me
I need love

Driving into town, tired and depressed
Like a flare, the streetlight
Bursts into an SOS
Peace comes to my rescue
I don't know what it means
I need love

The performance is a bit stiff, but here’s Sam Phillips on Conan O’Brien’s show (I prefer this version over the somewhat over-produced music video version):

Sam Phillips – I Need Love live – Late Night 1994

Obviously, self-identity, our humanity and issues of faith can be very complicated and it’s best not to over-react either way. I’m at a transitional stage in my life, I looking back at past decisions I have to wonder how many times I did overreact… I guess the point isn’t the errors made along the way or the intended destination but the richness of the journey and the companionship of those you have shared it with. Thanks Sam/Leslie Phillips for your art, you’re working through your journey and sharing it with the rest of us voyagers. Onward and forward, my friends. 

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