I don’t usually post about a movie more than once (except if it’s a classic…), but after watching A Million Miles Away I felt the need for this post. First thing, you’ll probably want to watch the movie and the previous post before reading this article because I’ll be making references to elements in the movie and to my previous post that probably won’t make sense without viewing the movie or reading the previous article first. A Million Miles Away is currently streaming on the Amazon Prime platform. 

In the last article I commented that it bugged me that, after actively pursuing this singular dream to become a NASA astronaut, when confronted about it, Hernandez brushed it aside as if it was nothing. Then I speculated that maybe the reason this bugged me so much was because this survival technique of hiding one’s true dream, even while actively pursuing it, was something that I’ve also tended to do. It’s almost a cosmic joke to be told that you can be anything you aspire to be and then laughed at that you would think that you could be THAT. It’s as if they’re saying, you can be anything, except that! And if no one in your family (or ethnicity) had success in that area, all the more reason to hide your dream(s). Ugh. 

We say we believe that anyone can be what they aspire to, but then we’re far too quick to judge those who make choices outside their “traditional” family occupations. I also think that belittling or hiding one’s dream(s) makes sense if one isn’t in a position to defend one’s choice, because one isn’t physically imposing or there are too few to help defend the choice. Shut up, keep your head down, keep moving forward and for goodness sake don’t attract attention. Sadly this technique might help one survive to fight another day, but ignores the fact that no one advances without the help of others, which is impossible to do if one hides one’s dream(s). Hide and survive or ask for help and suffer the taunting and possible public failure… little wonder so many of us hide. 

I celebrate Hernandez’s success and the inclusion of people of color to the ranks of our space explorers and scientists, but over 50-years after Armstrong’s journey to the moon this should be less exceptional and more the norm that someone so driven who as the necessary mental and physical qualifications should become an astronaut and fly to space. So many things had to come together for him to realize his dream: the intervention of his teacher that played a part in his family changing their usual migrant work-cycle, the choices he made in college and employment in a Space-adjacent company, his persistence and the support of his wife and family… it’s a miracle that it happened but it shouldn’t have required a miracle. 

Some time in the early 2000s I thought about filling out an application.  A friend said that she wouldn’t support her significant-other if he said that he wanted to make that choice. I think I missed the deadline and then didn’t think about it again. I didn’t think about it at least until I heard that another class of astronauts was being chosen in 2020. Just as the COVID-19 virus shut down the world I filled out an application in March of 2020 at the ripe old age of 61 and revisited my own doubts about how I could possibly fit into any space related endeavor. If Hernandez had difficulty filling out his application(s) with his experiences and related college degrees, imagine my own frustration of trying to shoehorn my mostly humanities/communication focused college work into a engineering/science focused application. Then the world shut down and I got distracted chasing jobs from teaching STEAM at the elementary school level to teaching communication and robotics at the middle school level (and shifting from teaching in the classroom to teaching online). 

In August of 2020 I heard from the Astronaut Selection Office:

2020-08-24 astronaut selection office - decision delayed

Then five months later, in January of 2021 I got a follow-up email:

2021-01-27 astronaut selection office - continued delay in selection process

I was busy teaching robotics and media at a Las Vegas Middle School, first completely remote/online and then switching to “hybrid” in the Spring (2021) then face-to-face in the Fall of 2021.

Eleven months after my last update email from NASA, In December 2021, a headline crossed my feeds, “NASA to Announce America’s Next Class of Astronaut Candidates On 2021-12-06.” Better check my spam folder, just in case I missed something. Nope. Nothing from NASA. Damn. What were the chances that they were going to make the announcement of the new astronaut group and not have already contacted hopeful candidates. Yeah, this was not a good sign. 

Sure enough on Monday, December 6th the following headline appeared on the NASA website with the group photo of ten smiling  brand new astronaut candidates: “NASA Selects New Astronaut Recruits to Train for Future Missions.” Damn. 

Astronaut Candidate Class of 2021. Photo Date: December 3, 2021. Location: JSC Mall. Photographer: Robert Markowitz
Astronaut Candidate Class of 2021. Photo Date: December 3, 2021. Location: JSC Mall. Photographer: Robert Markowitz

It was pretty much like having someone break up with you via social media or text message (not that I know what that’s like…). The next morning I got the following email from NASA Astronaut Selection Office:

2021-12-07 NASA astronaut selection office - not selected
2021-12-07 NASA astronaut selection office – not selected

Well, it was a pretty ridiculous impulse to think I might join the astronaut corps given my non-science/engineering education and lack of flight experience and age and health issues. Damn. 

Part of me wishes that I had paid more attention in the 1980s at the beginning of the Shuttle program when they started sending up non-pilots as mission specialists. But the hiding my dreams so that I could protect them from being crushed also prevented me from doing anything to make the possibilities any better. This method allowed me to keep my dreams but prevented me from making the dreams into a reality. At the same time, I am who I am and accept that reality knowing that any change in my path would have had to come from some external source. Again, I celebrate that some, like Hernandez, broke through and were able to see their dreams become their reality. I understand why it didn’t happen for me and I still love that I had the dream to be part of this human endeavor. It took me someplace completely unrelated and the movie reminded me of the journey untaken. 

Early in my teaching career a relative commented on how rewarding it must be to inspire young people to what their lives might become. Truthfully, I’ve spent the bulk of my career teaching in what some might deem unsafe neighborhoods where knowing the siblings and families working their way through the school was a matter of being prepared for what might come next and not a quaint  side note to be added to the comments section of a report card. You live in the moment and prepare so that you can adjust for unplanned changes, there’s very little room for romanticized reflections. That said I’ve had a few former students find my YouTube account or other social network accounts and leave a messages, none quite as dramatic as the exchange between Hernandez and his former teacher, but still meaningful and appreciated. And maybe because of my role as a teacher and the future (or unknown) path of one of my former students, I still might get to participate in my dream to work for NASA, but more like the multi-generational migration of the Monarch Butterfly, in that I began this journey in the 1960s but one of my students will reach the destination over the course of their lifetime(s). It’s clear that teachers can have a significant influence in the life patches of their students. I like to think that my Space-Cadet Nerdiness might or might have influenced a student to pursue their dreams and not hold them as secretly as I did. I may not personally experience the wonder and the blackness of space, but that doesn’t mean that someone I’ve worked with won’t. My hope is that, while we celebrate the achievements of persons like Jose Hernandez, we move from this being a rare story to truly anyone, regardless of family or life status, can live the lives of their dreams, and not get laughed at because they want to become a NASA astronaut. 

Fitzgerald Rocket Program 2019
2021-03-16 Cashman Yearbook staff pic
2021-03-16 Cashman Yearbook staff pic

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