ADI National News Story: Nocturnal Admissions [Satire]

Introduction: Congress trying to get done in one last session before a holiday break what they weren’t able to accomplish in the previous three months… stop me if you’ve heard this story before. I decided to add a little holiday cheer to the proceedings and pretend that lawmakers had to follow the same “can’t be drunk at work” rules like the rest of us slobs. For whatever reason I decided to focus on the Senate, when we all know that the House of Representatives is where all the out-of-control behavior tends to be. If only the drunk-at-work behavior were limited to the legislative branch (pouring one out for good ol’ Nixon). Enjoy. 2024-03-20.

ADI National News Story: Nocturnal Admissions [Satire]

2009-05-01_Cadre13-DC-F2F-Day-Five-Outside the Senate hope

December 1993-January 1994 ADI Vol. 1, Issue 5. Washington, AC/DC. During the flurry of activity just before the Winter Break, Congress held a staggering number of all-night sessions. According to one Senator the all-night sessions weren’t the only thing staggering. The Senator, who asked to not be identified (D-MASS.), commented that more Senators were failing the sobriety check-points set up in the hallway outside the meeting chambers. “I wasn’t too fond of the check-points myself at first, but this morning I nearly got side-swiped by the two Senators from California,” he said.

When asked about the increased absenteeism, forgetfulness at the podium, and Senators wearing sun glasses in chambers, one Senator commented: “It’s the damn season. Everybody wants something for nothing. The leaders say we should get done in these sessions all the stuff we failed to do during the preceding three- months. The wife is complaining that she’s having to entertain our house-guests while I play “Ruler of the World.” The kids want to go to Disneyland. My assistant keeps raising her price and my girlfriend says that she needs new furniture in her condo. You’re not writing this down are you?!” he asked. “Shit, I need a drink,” he said as he left. Several other Senators could be seen touching their noses and trying to walk a straight line. A few in handcuffs were being led away. One could be heard shouting at his armed-escort, ‘You should be out there arresting those crazy Santa-strippers, not harassing us. I was a World War I veteran, god damn it!” [ADI]

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