ADI National News Story: Santa Claus Exposed! [Satire]

Introduction: Except that issue 5 was going to be published just after the Christmas holiday, I have no idea what may have inspired the creation of this story and why I decided that the National Association of Broadcasters was going to be the bad guy, with their attempt to unmask or undress shopping mall Santas. The movie, “Bad Santa” (2003) was still ten years in the future, so that had nothing to do with this article. I had written an essay about “The Myth of Journalistic Objectivity,” that this might have been a bit of an inspiration Or it could have been just a fictional story about misguided people taking things too far. Enjoy(?). 2024-03-20.

ADI National News Story: Santa Claus Exposed! [Satire]

December 1993-January 1994 ADI Vol. 1, Issue 5. Trench. IND. During their Winter Caucus, the Indiana branch of the National Association of Broadcasters (NAB) made the unprecedented decision to expose Santa Claus. NAB spokesman, Eunice Festring explained, “We decided that it was against our basic belief In ‘Journalistic Objectivity’ to continue to present ‘News’ stories that mislead America’s youth into believing that that fat old man in a red suit at the mall is Santa Claus.”

people in christmas costumes giving away presents on the city street — Photo by Samuel Peter on Pexels.com

Unfortunately some NAB boosters have been taking the “Expose Santa” edict too literally. So far thirteen NAB members have been arrested in half dozen mails throughout the greater Indianapolis area for “Causing a public disturbance” and for tearing the wigs, fake beards and clothing from the unsuspecting Santas, according to one mall security person.

One shaken Santa said, “It’s bad enough that we have to listen your slobbering materialistic tykes. Now a bunch of you fascist news-people have nothing better to do than to come down here and literally rip the shirts off our backs. Do you know how much this damn suit costs?!”

At one suburban mall several parents, with children waiting to see Santa, attacked the NAB members after the members had reduced that Santa to his BVDs. The parents were said to have pummeled the NAB members with shopping bags while shouting, “How dare you ruin our kids Christmas!” and “Christmas is for the kids!” The NAB members and Santa were glad when Mall Security finally arrived to quell the melee. One of the members arrested was a local sportscaster and obvious “Hair Club for Men” member. When contacted for comment NAB spokesman, Eunice Festring, only had one thing to say: “Never Mind!” [ADI]

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