Long Goodbyes

One of the more difficult and awkward aspects of my move to Florida is getting together, probably one last time, with friends to say Good-bye. Part of this reminds me of the generally over-hyped “Last Tour” shows put on by 70s & 80s bands that no one really listens to anymore. I can also detect a subtle lie that we tell each other that nothing is really going to change when we damn well know that everything is going to change. And along with the subtle lie, my guess is that most people make these sorts of life changes without any acknowledgment at all (or minimal recognition). And life lumbers on.

So this past weekend I had the pleasure of spending an evening indulging in our passion for P.F. Chang’s and good beer with my best friend and former love, Juls. It had been quite a while since we last shared a meal and drink, but that is one of the defining qualities of good friendship: the ability to bridge the gap and enjoy one another’s company like we’d just seen each other the day before. She looked good and despite ongoing battles with an ex-husband who responds to her cancer treatment by continued court hassles and despite the battle with cancer itself she was in good spirits. She asked about Florida and the job and talked about her boys and her small victories. Her sense of humor was certainly intact. For example…

A neighborhood mom going through a difficult divorce saw Juls dropping off one of the boys and said to her, “Some time you will have to tell me who your work-out trainer is.” Juls politely smiled and said to herself, with an irreverent grin, “Cancer.” That’s my friend Juls, fiercely protective of her boys, passionate, in love with the lifestyle and community she grew up with but battling the limitations those traditions sometime set for her. She’s just trying to be the best person she can be… and have a little fun along the way.

She’s never really been one to put her thoughts down on paper, or email. So I don’t imagine that once I move to Florida I’ll get much in the way of the long, deep conversations we used to have. And I will miss that. But I am hopeful that the dust will settle for her and she will find the companionship and fun that she was made to have and to give. Hopefully she will find someone who will respect her desire for privacy much more than I have done, and will not go on and on as I have in a public forum about their deepest difficulties and desires. I have learned a lot over the course of our friendship and relationship and pray that the fruits of our time will bring happy memories in quiet moments and fuel to continue to become better people when life challenges us.